In one of the workshops I lead, we have an exercise where each person lists the blessings in their life. When they finish writing, I ask them to sit quietly, reflecting on their fortune. It is a powerful experience that they really enjoy. Below I offer several practices you can do on your own (or with your family or friends) to experience more gratitude in your life.

“‘Let me light the lamp,’ says the star, ‘And never debate if it will help to remove the darkness.’”
~ Rabindranath Tagore

• Write a list of your blessings. Display it prominently so you can reflect on it regularly and add other things you are grateful for as you notice them.
• Have a daily gratitude ritual. In our family we share at least one thing for which we’re thankful out loud during our evening meal.
• Write a “thank you” letter to yourself, acknowledging your gifts. Let your gratitude flow. If you want, read it aloud while looking at yourself in a mirror (it’s powerful stuff).
• Share wishes or blessings with your friends. Write out several blessings on a sheet of paper (leaving some space between each one). Then, cut the paper so that there is one blessing per slip. Fold each one, placing it in a container of some sort. Invite friends to select a paper from the bunch when they come to visit.
• Keep a gratitude journal in which you write down things you are thankful for.
• Tell your family why you’re grateful to have them in your life. A fun way to do this is to think of three or four fond memories you have that involve them. Then call them up or drop them a note recounting these bygone experiences.
• Give someone a sincere compliment. You might choose someone you don’t usually acknowledge or focus on an area you aren’t usually paying attention to.
• Keep any “thank you notes” or written acknowledgements you receive (at work or home). Open them up once in awhile to remind yourself of how much you’re appreciated.
• Say a daily prayer of thanks, asking for nothing, simply acknowledging what you are grateful for.
• Create an altar where you can put (symbolically or literally) things for which you are grateful. For instance, if you are grateful for love and beautiful flowers, you could put a paper heart or the word love on the altar along with a cut or dried flower.

Grateful for my loving and wise daughter

Busyness is a common ailment today. In modern life, many people experience it as a nearly chronic condition. It is my observation that this busyness in turn contributes to a number of other dis-eases, such as stress, lack of self-awareness, disconnection from what is personally meaningful, less than optimal relationships, poor physical health, and more.

“Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.”
~ Goethe

While identifying that you are too busy is an important step, working with only that information leaves a gap in understanding. Getting below the symptom—busyness—to the source or sources will help you set a plan for change that can address both the sources and symptom. Below are three questions to ask yourself when youre suffering from a common case of busyness (All ten questions are described in my book Live the Life You’ve Imagined: 100 Practical Strategies for Creating Your Ideal Life). As you read through the list, answer each question with “yes” or “no.” Then go back and consider your “yes” responses, and look more fully at the reasons for your affirmative answers. Then you can choose your remedy.

Do I have difficulty saying no?

If you tend to automatically say “yes” to requests made of you, you’re likely to end up with a chronic case of busyness. Certainly, the activities you say “yes” to may enrich your life or make it interesting. Unless you say “yes” because YOU want to, however, you’re living for someone else’s agenda. “No” is a great tonic for yes-induced busyness. “No” can help you set boundaries and establish your own priorities. Start a gentle practice of saying “no” to some of the requests that come into your life and see if some of your busyness begins to disappear.

Do I think I’m the only one who can handle certain tasks?

Aha, a case of self-imposed busyness here! When you rely solely on yourself to be the doer of all things, busyness is almost sure to be part of your life. While you may be a Jill of all trades or a modern-day superman, scattering your attention tends to dilute your effectiveness and may leave you worn out. Some methods for combating this do-it-all tendency include:

• Find a capable assistant who can follow your instructions.
• Delegate tasks at home and at work.
• Simplify your life so there’s less to handle in the first place.
• Prioritize your “to do list” and focus yourself on only the items that truly need your personal attention.
• Get a coach who will assist you in developing ways to fulfill your responsibilities without filling your life with busyness.

Do I procrastinate?

While haste can make waste, a habit of putting things off has the side effect of producing problems too. If you’re delaying starting or completing a project, figure out what’s holding you back. Are you concerned that you don’t have the skills or resources needed? If so, take the step of finding the tools or the person who can help you prepare for the task at hand. Are you ready, yet unsure of how or where to start? You can begin by writing down the steps to take from start to finish (that way you’ll be one step closer and you’ll have a plan to follow). Once you get into the project, you can reevaluate or change course as needed. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the size of the project, break large goals into several smaller actions. By completing smaller tasks you’ll be making progress toward finishing the large goal. Your momentum will build and soon you’ll be full steam ahead, your bout of procrastination-prompted busyness a distant memory.

“A lot of our ‘busy-ness’ is a way for us to avoid thinking about what is most important. There’s a difference between being busy and being productive.”

~ Kristen Lippincott

If you’re struggling with “too much to do” in your life, consider a complimentary coaching session. I can help you diagnose your busyness and cure it for good.

Are you playing 100% in your life game, engaging yourself fully, giving it everything you’ve got? Or have you settled into a seat on the bench, put a towel over your head and bowed out? If you’re like most people, you’re probably giving only part of yourself to the game, living halfway in and halfway out.

The life you’re living today is the only one you can count on. In fact this moment is all you have for certain. If this is what you have, wouldn’t you like to give all you’ve got? That’s what being a “player” is all about – putting yourself into life with vigor, power, dedication, and love for the game, so that when it’s all over, whatever the score, you’ll know you played full out and gave life your best shot.

How to Play Big in Life

1. Focus On What Works – Star players know the value of their skills and they also know how to stay positive. While you may choose to shore up areas in which you’re weaker, keep your mind attuned to the wonderful gifts you already possess. Work with these natural strengths and see what magic transpires.
2. Believe In Yourself – You are your omnipresent coach, always there to see you through. Make sure you know how to give yourself the encouragement, reassurance, and support you need to be your best. Then give it, give it, give it.
3. Listen To The Right Voices – Some folks will want you to succeed, others may not. Choose the company of people who champion you, love you, and help you to reach the goals you want to reach.
4. Have A Team – Great players don’t play alone, they have coaches, teammates, trainers, fans, and agents who help them reach their peak. Surround yourself with people who can further your growth and success.
5. Aim For The True Goal – Go for what YOU want in your life. Working to achieve things that aren’t meaningful to you isn’t energizing, nor does it help you fulfill your life’s purpose.
6. Play To The Finish – Sometimes being a player requires super stamina and perseverance to stay your course. Setbacks, delays, or seeming obstacles may arise, but you don’t have to let them derail you from your mission. Read the signs and signals you’re given and make corrections to your plan as needed.
7. Value Your Resources – As a star player, you need to have the proper resources for your game, the best ones you can find. Be mindful of how you use and maintain these resources. Your body, for instance is one of your key assets, whatever your game. Choose to nourish it with healthful food and drink, refresh and strengthen it with exercise, and treat it like the non-replaceable resource it is.
8. Concentrate On What Matters – When you’re in a big game or are working to achieve a large goal, make it a priority. Shift your energy away from other commitments so you can attend to the main project with all you have.
9. Use Your Fear – Professionals know how to make fear work for them. Instead of seeing it as a block, they look for ways that their concern or anxiety can be channeled into positive energy. Next time you feel afraid, ask yourself one of two questions and see where that leads you: “What genuine want is on the other side of my fear?” or “What emotion do I want to replace the fear with?”
10. Learn From Losses – Experienced players know that losing is part of learning and improving their game. Take time out to evaluate your wins and losses. What sets them apart (besides the win/lose judgment)? How were you different when you lost? Was your preparation the same? Your attitude? Your expectations? Your commitment? Use what you learn to make necessary adjustments so you’ll be a better player next time.

“Oh, the worst of all tragedies is not to die young, but to live until I am seventy five and yet not ever truly to have lived.”
~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

What will you do to take your game up a notch? How will you challenge yourself to play bigger and offer more? I’d love to hear from you.

“Fall down seven times, get up eight.”
~ Japanese Proverb

Yesterday I had just left my house, heading for the gym, when I fell off my bike, landing hard, mostly on my chin and left knee. I got up slowly, gently touching my bleeding chin and surveying the rest of the damage. I then walked back home to put ice on my injuries and nurse my wounds. Upon recounting the incident to my husband after he returned from an injury-free bike ride to and from the gym, he said, “That’s one of the things I love about you, that you’re tough like that.” I felt very touched. He was right, of course. I’ve had my share of physical bumps and scrapes as well as plenty of emotional cuts and bruises, yet I’ve always found a way to recover, usually stronger than I was in the first place.

Life is full of injuries and incidents, so avoiding pain isn’t an option. What we can do, however, is be resilient–spiritually strong–so that we bounce back whenever we take a fall, rebounding to fully enjoy the pain-free moments life abundantly offers.

How to bounce back from life’s setbacks

• Choose not to suffer. At some level, I think many of us like to suffer occasionally. It evokes sympathy in others and can be a great excuse if we’re needing one. Suffering makes us brittle–susceptible to more injuries in the future. Feel the pain (physical or emotional), cry, wail, moan, curse, lament your situation. Be your wounded self 100%, no holding back. Get all that emotion out. Then, take a deep breath (or 20), and move on, whether that means cleaning your wounds, icing an injury, or nurturing your bruised ego or soul. Feel the pain then let it go so you can be free.
• Be with other resilient people. I’ve found it much easier to develop my strength when I’m around other strong people. They’re role models and can be great sources of insight and information as I seek to cultivate similar strengths. When I see them bounce back, I’m inspired to respond to my own troubles in like fashion. I also get to inspire them when they see me rebound from some letdown in my life. It’s a mutually-supportive relationship.
• Focus more on the “good” in life. When we view life as mainly problems with a few good times thrown in, it’s easy to stay down when we fall. Instead, when you choose to believe that life’s positive moments far out-number the negative ones, it’s more likely that you’ll view a down time as a temporary situation. Mentally you already set yourself up for the rebound.
• Fall lightly. Okay, easier said than done when your fall is divorce, disease, or some other personal disaster. How we perceive our “injury” points us toward either quicker rebound or longer recovery. If we have the attitude that “this is the end of life as I know it,” chances are that statement will become true for us. On the other hand, if we remind ourselves, “this is bad, yet I’ll get through it,” or “wow, that hurt, I’ll pay better attention next time,” it’s easier to swing up toward recovery because our attitude is lighter. Humor can be a great tool to use when you want to rebound quickly.

“Man never made any material as resilient as the human spirit.”
~ Bern Williams

What do you do that keeps you resilient to life’s bumps and bruises?